Quarterly Reflection 4 - all that remains
Because of the way that the quarterly reflections have been timed, I have seven activities to include in this final quarterly reflection. This is partly the reason why I decided to wait until a month to do the fourth quarter reflection, otherwise I would have had to do a fifth one with the last two activities. Anyway, enough of the preamble, let's get on with the show.
30 days of remembering
This activity helped me realise that it is not just about having techniques to be able to remember, but about being a person who actively remembers to remember.
This was a really good practical activity, which were that little bit easier to do than the introspective, intangible ones. I learned a few memory techniques that I have promptly forgotten to consolidate. Okay, that may be a little harsh, but I have just been so busy and scattered in the last couple of months that I really haven't been taking the time to remember.
This is particularly disappointing for me because I really felt that there was a lot of value in this activity, and in keeping some of these things in my life. The ability to easily recall someone's name and feeling like I was on top of everything going on in my life were two things that I found really valuable in this activity, and characteristics I would like to keep in my life.
So that means that I need to make time to refocus on this, make time to remember and get back some of confidence that this activity gave me.
30 days of choice
This activity allowed me to finally see that I need to stop allowing circumstance to make choices for me. The other thing this gave me was a clear set of definitions about what success means for me.
This was a very powerful activity, which also meant that it was very difficult. Due to a busy work schedule, this activity and the next one were both extended out to 45 days. In hindsight this was not a very positive thing to do, as these two activities did bring about a very negative mindset.
But enough of that, there were three very important lessons that I took from this activity, which have really stuck with me. The first was defining what success means for me in eleven key areas of my life. Whilst I had a general understanding of these things the power of having to articulate them into defined statements has been very positive.
The second point was improving my consumer decision making, which I think I have kept on top of. I haven't really had any consumer remorse in the last couple of months, and the holiday destination for the end of September was a great success. I'm still trying to limit my choices, and it really is proving to be of benefit.
Lastly, the part that really impacted my mental health, was the realisation that I have not been an active participant in a lot of important decisions in my life. I haven't had any major decisions to practice on yet, but it is something that has continued to play on my mind.
30 days of being wrong
This activity taught me that it is extremely important to rephrase the way I think of wrongness, but focusing on being wrong and regret is not very healthy.
As I said in the reflection for this activity, I wouldn't recommend that anyone spend 45 days focusing on being wrong and their regrets, especially when you're also acknowledging the poor non-choices in your life. That is not to say that people should not listen to Kathryn Schulz's talks or read her book, just don't focus on it quite so intensely.
I have been a lot kinder to myself about the things I get wrong after this activity, it really did help me rephrase this in my mind. This doesn't mean that I don't still kick myself when I make mistakes that really could have been avoided, but I am gentler when I get something wrong that really was the best decision with the information I had at the time. And by really trying to focus on the lessons I can learn from each wrong decision/action, at least there is a positive outcome.
This reflection should also include a note on regret, since one of Kathryn's talks focuses on this issue. I have worked very hard on overcoming some of the regrets I have held onto, and understanding why they continue to plague me. That doesn't mean that I am free from them, but understanding why I hold the regret means I have started to think of them differently, and maybe one day I will be free from some of them.
30 days of vulnerability
This activity helped me understand that I am more courageous than I had ever hoped and that practising self-compassion helps me be more compassionate to others.
There had to be a 30 days of vulnerability, this project would not have been complete without it. This was one of those activities though that theoretically I think most of us understand the principles of, but actually putting them into practice is a different story.
I am trying to continue to be more courageous and speak up about things, it's very challenging but it's really important for me to do. Just like it is so important for me to be nicer to myself, which I'm also doing quite well with.The last part of this activity was understanding my truth and what I need to give the world. I've been continuing to work on how I might progress this concept, and this weekend might provide me with some further direction. I've volunteered to help out at TEDxYouthHuntingfield being held near Hobart on Sunday. I have a feeling that I might meet some people through this event that can help shape this idea even further.
30 days of time
This is one of those activities that has really changed my life, and I was not expecting it. Understanding my time perspective and how to shift it has been so powerful.
This was such a positive activity to do after Choice and Being Wrong, and it really helped pull me out of an extreme Past negative focus from these activities. I generally have quite a strong Past negative time perspective, and understanding how this permeates through different aspects of my life really made me want to shift that.
The activities from Philip's books are so incredibly simple, but so powerful in pointing out the things that have to change. I still continue to try to re-frame my past, to focus more on the positive aspects than the negative ones. I have a long way to go before I really feel that I am more positive than negative, but I have started down the track and just starting has had a positive impact.
30 days of compassion
This activity allowed me to try my compassion wings out again. It showed me again that I need to be more compassionate, but that I am continuing to grow in this way.
I think that it is true of me and everyone I know that we could all be more compassionate. Karen Armstrong refer to this as The Golden Rule, and I agree that if this was the basis that we all had to our lives the world would be a much better place. But for me, I found a problem with Karen basing this on all of the religions and not just dealing with it as a purely human trait. For me, you do not require religiosity to be compassionate, and if anything religious dogma can get in the way of compassion.
Getting off my soap box, Chade-Meng's very simple idea of maintaining the thought "I want you to be happy" when dealing with others really has a great benefit.Having said all of this, I have a long way to go before I think I can call myself a truly compassionate person, but I continue to work on it, and believe I will work on this my entire life.
30 days of balance
The final activity, this was a chance to try to work out how I can entwine some of the amazing lessons into my life. I have a basic definition that I have to find a way to achieve now.
This activity allowed me to outline my perfect day, well my perfect day within some of the confines of my life that are not likely to change any time soon. Combined with my success definitions, value definitions and other aspects defined in 30 days of drive, I now have a really great idea of who I am and what I want from my life.
I still have a long way to go to bring this balance into my life, but just having it defined is a million miles from where I was before I started this project.
A brief summing up
These last lot of activities were incredibly challenging and taught me a lot about myself. They have occurred during an exceptionally busy and stressful time with my job, which probably made things a little more difficult than they had to be. I feel that I have really grown through these activities, and they will form a large part of my complete reflection, that will be coming later in the month.
Thank you to all of the speakers who were part of this growth and these experiences, more on that later in the month as well.
So what comes next?
There will be a complete reflection coming that ties all of the activities in together, and this will be followed with a much longer and detailed explanation about the whole thing. This is because I am going to try to pull all of this together and write a book, come on you had to know this was coming. Having said that, writing a book about this is my goal, but I am finding it so hard to really get motivated on this. That is partly because I am worn out, and partly because I am petrified to write this up. Does that sound insane to you after reading this blog? Because it sounds insane to be after spending over twelve months writing on this blog.
There is a distinct difference though, between putting effort into this blog and really not expecting to have a lot of readers, and taking the time to pull this into a book that I would have an expectation people would read. There is a massive fear of failure that is creeping in at this point, a fear that I can't write it and that it is not worth writing. I'll leave that point there and move on though, because I do intend to do this, I just have to get over this confidence issue.