An Update on Making
The ebb and flow of energy in my life is something you think I would be used to after almost 52 years on this planet - you would be wrong. So, I thought I would share a little bit of an update of 2024 so far, and my progress on making.
Let’s start with the impact of grief
If you don’t follow me on social media or watch my bullet journal videos, you probably don’t know that we had to say goodbye to our gorgeous old puppy, Lily. She has been such a constant companion to my freelance work, and our lives in general. But her declining health in the last couple of months forced us to make a very sad decision over Easter.
I’ve discovered that trying to create through grief is a challenging process. I have been doing some art journalling to try to process my emotions, which often results in me needing to take some time out to recover. What I have discovered is that writing has become a real struggle.
As with everything to do with grief, my ability to create is improving. But I have lost many hours doing pointless busy work to comfort my broken and fragile heart.
Next, I might have bitten off too much
Let’s be very clear here, I knew when I created my wish list earlier this year for what I would like to make/achieve with 2024 that I was dreaming. There was so much I wanted to do, and I think the long list has created too much fracturing in my attention span.
Focus has been an ever increasing issue as I get older. This is partly due to the impact of my neurodivergent brain and partly (a lot I think) to do with the ongoing impact of perimenopause on that same brain. I have quite a few mechanisms and processes in place to better support my ability to focus on required tasks - it’s just that sometimes they work way more effectively than other times.
Added to the standard inability to focus, procrastination has been an issue as well. My procrastination impulse is generally provoked by two types of activities (like most people) - activities I find boring and others that I am concerned I won’t be able to do successfully. Creating can easily fall into that second category. So, I’ve been procrastinating a bit - or more accurately, I’ve been avoiding activities as a means of regulating my emotions around them. **If you procrastinate and weren’t aware that this is largely why we do it, have a think about what emotions you are regulating next time you cannot convince your brain to comply.
So, how is it really going?
I feel like I’m writing this post to try to convince myself that I am not lazy and I have achieved a lot so far this year - I love using my blog as therapy apparently ;-)
So, let’s do an update then:
Making processes - I have create three checklists for my administrative processes, as well as two packing lists for my courses. More importantly, every client I have worked with this year has had a licensing agreement for the work prior to anything being done! This has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past, so it really is an achievement. I have totally failed in processes for online content and putting things out into the world though; I really need to improve this.
Making time - this one is too difficult for me to write because of making time for Lily and a few issues with people of late. So, I am just going to say this has been going well but I’m struggling on a few levels and leave it there.
Making things - on the whole, I think this has gone pretty well:
Journalling course - designed, implemented, refined and all artefacts produced. My third one is scheduled for 2nd June and I am incredibly proud of the course, what it is helping people achieve and the fact I did it.
Sketchnoting course - designed, implemented and refined but I need to run it again to check a couple of things. I’m running an online one on 13th May and I love the changes I have made to some of the focus and activities.
Oracle cards - I have an outline of each card, what will be on it and what the words mean. A couple of weeks ago I came up with a template design I think I’m happy with, I need to get back into design mode and get that knocked over. This is taking way too long based on my plan - there has been a lot of procrastination on this one. It’s a whole new thing and gets a bit daunting when I think about creating this product.
Books - okay, this has been a huge struggle for me. Admittedly, I crazily came up with a plan for five books (it’s probably really three) this year. But I am struggling to stay focused on any of these long enough to feel like I’ve made any real headway. The book collecting the sketchnotes from My Year of TED is the only one I have really progressed at this point. That’s partly due to my inability to focus on writing and partly because I’ve gotten out of the habit of sharing my writing (cue procrastination).
Things for markets - this has been more productive with some new badges, creating original art greeting cards and a new sticker set that is almost ready for printing. I’d love to be producing a lot more of this stuff, but producing it often comes with a price tag and I don’t feel like I can do this with the reduction in client work at the moment.
Animation skills - I tried a few new skills with a couple of the client animations I’ve recently completed. They worked pretty well, although my frame-by-frame animation could be a little smoother. There are a few other things I want to try around these skills, but for the life of me I cannot compel my brain to focus and do them. I think there is a bit of imposter syndrome that still kicks in with this skillset, I wonder if I’ll ever get over that.
Writing this list does make me feel a lot better about how I’ve been spending my time in the last four months. Especially since there have been a few client animations during this time, and I’ve started a Uni micro-credential about inclusive digital design too. Yeah, that means I will likely have to spend some time addressing my website compliance with a couple of things.
I know that the best trick I can play on my brain is to treat myself like a client - give myself a deadline for my work and run it like my client projects. It’s worked successfully in the past to get a few things done, so maybe I can trick my brain again. Or maybe, I just need to practice some more self-compassion and take a break. It’s been ten years on 1 July since I left salaried employment and started freelancing - maybe I do need to give myself long service leave and just be okay with a dip in income for a few months.
Okay, my online therapy session is over! I honestly don’t expect anyone has gotten to the end of this post, but if you have any tips or advice about regaining your task focus, feel free to contact me - probably best through social media (links at the top of the page). Or if you are a subscriber, email me.
