Permission to change - or why the construct was such a good idea

I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the mechanics of My Year of TED, and some of the subconscious parts of the whole exercise. It's interesting when I reflect back now on what I thought the project was all about, as opposed to what I've learned it was actually about.One of the big things that I've been thinking about it what the construct of a year-long, totally immersed project was for, and these are some of the things that I now believe that structure was for:

• Immersion - When I explained what each of the concept talks gave the project I mentioned that A.J. Jacobs' talk gave me "the whole concept that I can experiment on my life, and the idea that changing my behaviour can change my mind." I was intrigued by the concept of spending a year immersed in a topic and seeing if it could make sustainable changes in my life. I really enjoyed his book My Year of Living Biblically and think it's a great example of that. It was definitely the inspiration of a year-long immersion, but that was something I already knew going in.
• Writing - This was a massive part of the process, giving me a topic to write about, and to hopefully be able to write a book about. I say that a bit sheepishly because with everything else going on I have stalled on the book. I will still write it, even if I have to self-publish it, because it is important and it is a part of the project, I just need to slow down a lot of other things in my life.

• To remember - I remember more about that one year of my life than possibly any other year. Having a project like that meant that everything was broken into time period milestones, and that has allowed me to remember things a lot more clearly than I would otherwise - even without referring back to the blog for prompts. There is a little part of me that misses that structure, and misses that established memory process.
• A plan - quite simply it gave me a plan to follow and, if you haven't worked it out, I like structure. The construct of the project was the most structured a year of my life has ever been, and it catered to that organised part of my brain. It meant that there was a lot of day-to-day activity and decision making I didn't have to worry about, as strange as that may seem, because there was this whole aspect of my life that was known and focused. I'm not sure how much sense that explanation makes, but I'm sure there is at least one person out there going "yeah I know what you mean".
• Accountability - I explained this one very early on, before the project had even started. Creating the construct of a massive change project that I shared with people in my life, and committed to writing about on a blog, made me accountable for following through. I know that there are times I would have seriously given up on particular activities, if not the entire project, if I didn't have to do that publicly.
• Permission - more and more I've come to realise how much of the construct was about giving me permission to change. After all, I could have made any of these changes in my life, or focused on any of these elements without having this massive construct around me to do that. But I never did, because like many people I'm not quick to shake my life up (usually). Let's look at the facts:
  1. I went through with two marriages that I knew weren't right, just because there was nothing obviously wrong with them at the time - I have often felt like I don't have the right to change something just because I'm not happy with it, there has to be a justifiable reason for it.
  2. I have stayed in a couple of jobs that have driven me to complete distraction because change is scary and I didn't know what else I could do - I will say though that when it is finally enough I tend to make very radical changes on that front, they just take a while.

The permission aspect has been the idea I've been exploring the most of late, because a lot of other people talk about this sort of thing as well so it keeps coming up. It's the notion that "if it ain't broke" then leave it the hell alone - but why do we believe that is the best way to go. Why do we feel we don't have the right, the freedom or the permission to make random changes in our life that might make us happier, even when we aren't necessarily sad? Just think about how much capacity you, or the people in your life, have to endure - to put up with crappy or not satisfying lives just because change is scary, or more importantly the unknown is scary?

One of the more interesting things I've realised of late is that I was apologising for My Year of TED while I was doing it. I let people refer to it as my mid-life crisis (which is crap by the way) and sometimes referred to it that way myself. I think that they used that explanation because it's just not normal for someone to do what I was doing, especially not as publicly as I was doing it - and since they couldn't explain it away with "women's issues" it became a mid-life crisis.I also think it freaked people out so much because I had given myself permission and I was willing to make these changes in my life that I felt had to be made - and that is challenging to people who are just putting up with things and not making changes for themselves. If someone else around you is doing it then it removes one of your excuses about why you aren't making changes. Apart from mid-life crisis the other comments I got regularly were "but you don't have children so you can do that sort of thing", "you must have a lot of spare time on your hands (implying that they don't so that's why they're stuck)", or even the flattering comments like "that takes a lot of courage/focus/guts to do something like that (trying to convince themselves it was extraordinary - which I still don't believe it was by the way)".I'm not sure what the purpose of this is, except to share my thoughts about what a construct like My Year of TED can give you when you are considering change. It wouldn't work for everyone, but for me it was a very structured and supportive way of going through with the activities I wanted (or needed) to do.How about you, is there something you want that you are not giving yourself permission to do? Are you enduring a situation or part of yourself that you should be changing? Be brave, I give you permission...

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