Confidence, Injuries and Aerial Circus

This was supposed to publish last week, but Wordpress had different plans.

I've come to accept that bruising is part and parcel of aerial circus - it goes hand in hand with the discomfort and pain of the activity. I've never been as bruised and battered in my life; that includes playing basketball as a teenager, and teenage girls are vicious!I also have some pretty fierce callouses forming on my hands, that's when they don't turn in blisters and tear off - yes that happened a couple of weeks ago (again). Then there was the facial bruising from my less than successful flying trapeze adventure - if you haven't watched the video, check it out.But two weeks ago the injuries started getting more serious. Now, Adie (my instructor) claims that this is because I'm gaining confidence, and it is something that usually occurs when you get more confident - let's hope it only lasts for a little while if that's the case. Because I think it's true, that I do feel more confident on the trapeze; I've been doing this for a year now, so I think I should be feeling more confident.It's just that the injuries have come from stupid mistakes. I broke the second toe on my left foot kicking the trapeze bar - I was trying to lead with my right foot to get up (which I never do) and my brain switched to my left at the last second. There was an audible crack, and a significant amount of pain, bruising and swelling. So six weeks of body strapping that toe it is.Last Thursday night, I lost concentration for a second during a move and ended up nearly falling off the bar. Quick reflexes grabbed the rope and spun me back on, but not without a pretty nasty rope-burn and bruising on my upper arm. I guess the fact that I could sit sideways on the bar without holding on and allow myself to get distracted probably does show some confidence - I will admit that I was pretty impressed with the ability to save myself from falling.

So I got to thinking about other injuries

It seems weird in a way that confidence leads to more injuries - does this happen in other parts of life, and I just haven't noticed it? I guess it's true for emotional injuries, when we're more confident in ourselves we're more willing to take risks; risks that might result in rejection. When a toddler becomes confident enough to take those first steps, they have much further to fall, and hit things on the way down too.What does that mean for the changes I've been experiencing since My Year of TED? Has the increased confidence I have in a number of areas of my life made me more prone to injury? I think the answer is a resounding yes!I've mentioned a few times that I can't remember where my comfort zone was any longer - I've pushed myself so far beyond that. The risks that I have taken to leave 'paid' employment, write a book and even give a TED Talk, have only been possible because of a renewed confidence in my abilities. And yet, every single one of those amazing challenges and achievements has only come through considerable mental and emotional injury - if I'm being completely honest about it. Those bruises and scars aren't visible to everyone else, but I know they're there - and I know that if they didn't occur, I would be much further along this path. Because every time I experience one of these injuries, I'm a little less confident; a little more tentative about taking the next step, for fear I will make it worse.At least aerial circus is teaching me to not let the injuries get in the way - maybe that is a lesson I can take into other parts of this experience of life as well. I'm still going to circus with a broken toe, I'm just adapting how I do particular moves so I don't risk making it worse. That's the trick I need to apply to my mental and emotional injuries now, and when I think about it like that I realise that I do it, to a smaller degree. When I injure myself in that way, I pick the actions that limit my exposure, until the injury heals a bit - but I can always do more.This has been a slightly rambling post, and I'm certain that if I knew where it was going when I started the post, I could have said this all more succinctly - but that is probably true of most of my blog posts, and where's the fun in that.I guess it all comes down to courage and bravery, when you think about it. What do you think? Is it as simple as confidence meaning you free up your courage to kick it up a notch, while sustaining the new normal when you fall?