When it doesn't go to plan... the days I want to give up

Sometimes on this crazy journey of life, things don't go the way we would have liked, and all of our hard work seems to be for nothing. On these days we can choose to give up, to stop doing that thing we are failing at - that thing causing all of our grief. Today is one of those days...I forget I'm supposed to be brave - even though I constantly remind myself of this.I forget I'm supposed to be kind to myself - although I have this internal voice that tries to shout down the critic when she starts.Sometimes I even forget why I'm doing all of this to myself - when the answer is obvious.It's just that some days it's harder than others to remember the lessons from My Year of TED - combined with everything that came before and after.Today is one of those days. Not a bad day, not a particularly noteworthy day even - but a day where I question whether I have the courage, wisdom and compassion to keep going down this path I created for myself (unwittingly) almost five years ago.I know I will get over this feeling. I'll remember how good it feels to help people find their own way; to inspire them to take action for themselves; to let them know they aren't alone. I'll remember everything I've done to get here, and all of you - the wonderful friends and community that have supported me in all of this too.But for now, I feel raw, exposed, small, fragile and uncertain about why anyone would want to listen to me anyway. This feeling isn't new of course, I wouldn't even say it's unusual. I've come to accept that this is how stumbling feels when you are trying to do something that is important to you.Today I thought I would share it though, write a short post to put it out into the world. Because I can! Because you need to know these things about me, even more than the good things. You need to know that when you pursue a life of meaning and authenticity, this is what it does to you. Not that I would return to the way it was - this might be painful and difficult at times but at least I don't feel like the hollow shell of a person I used to.This is what embracing vulnerability looks like too. It reminds you that you are far from perfect, and while I'm much better with that now... well I'm not perfect ;-) It means you are generally exposing your heart to others, which means that it can be ripped to shreds quite easily (I do yearn for that little suit of armour I built for it sometimes). But best of all, it means that you want to connect with other people and share these experiences with them.And maybe, I can remember that I am brave, that I am kind and that if I stop pursuing my dreams I will go back to that meaningless void. After all, this isn't the first time, and it won't be the last.